Marshmellow Fluff

Making friends becomes harder as you get older. As a child the criteria for friendship was simpler.  Friendships were made with the kid who sat next to you in class, or formed because you both liked the same music or because you discovered that you both shared the same favorite color, which in kid terms, is the undeniable connection that solidified your destiny as BFF’s.  

School is much like prison in that survival requires you to quickly identify your allies and then attach them to your hip.  You don’t dare eat at lunch by yourself, you don’t dare walk across campus alone because the absence of friends is social suicide.   

As an adult I have formed wonderful friendships with co-workers, people I have met through friends and people I have met through shared interests or hobbies.  I love all my friends dearly but there is something undeniably special about my friend, Jenny and our friendship that began over nineteen years ago.  

We met in middle school at Vista Verde.  I can’t remember what it was that made us friends but I am sure it was through some vital thing we both had in common like aspirations in life or the same love for New Kids on the Block.  Why we became friends is not the important thing but how we have remained friends through the years is.  

In eighth grade, when I ran away from home, which lasted all but one afternoon, I ran away to her house.  When it was my turn to be the leper of the school her friendship was unwavering.  When I got to pick someone to come spend the torturous weekend at my dad’s house with, she was the undeniable choice.  We went to summer camp at a ranch and mucked horse stalls together.  We had slumber parties and made silly videos together (which today serves as valuable blackmail.)  We talked for hours every night discussing important issues like which boys we liked, or what each of us was wearing the next day so we would be sure to match, we were best friends. 

And then Freshman year, when we found out she was moving to Illinios we spent the afternoon listening to Jesus Jones crying our eyes out as we packed up her room.   I was blindsided by her moving.  I had imagned us going to school dances, dating brothers or best friends and raising our kids together.  I wasn’t ready for her to move away.  She was my constant friend, the one who I had invested all my secrets in, the one person I knew accepted me no matter what.  She was the person I ate ice cream sundaes with on Valentines Day when my boyfriend dumped me.  I worried that I would never find another friend like her.

The strange thing is that even though we were separated by thousands of miles and even though we both made new friends, our close friendship remained.  Although not as frequent, we still talked.  We wrote letters and made sure that we stayed connected as best we could.  And then, six years later, when she wanted to move back to California with her fiancee, I was quick to offer the air mattress in my living room because I would have done anything to get her back in my same area code.

Even though separated for years and many miles and were now adults, it was as if no time had passed at all.  We resumed our friendship without missing a beat.   I was her Maid of Honor when she got married, I was lucky enough to be there for the birth of her son and she has been there for my first broken heart and my second and my third and…well you get the pattern here. 

And then, a few years ago, I was again at her house helping her pack to move away to St. Louis.  There was no Jesus Jones playing on the radio and the crying was less dramatic than it was when we were teenagers, but only because I had faith that no matter how many miles separated us, I knew our friendship was strong enough to handle it.

She has seen me at my worst and loves me regardless (and that includes ratted hair sprayed bangs, crimped hair and neon colors.) Everyone deserves to have a friendship with someone who loves and accepts them unconditionally.  A friend who will put their world on hold just to listen to them complain without judgment.  I am blessed to have a friend like her.

I miss you very much Jenny,  but no matter how far away you are, I know you will always be my best friend.  Happy Birthday to my beautiful, wonderful lovely BFF.

K.I.T.