Marshmellow Fluff

I am a serial monogamist. 

My aversion to dating started in high school when I began a relationship that lasted 5 years.  While my friends were attracted to the “bad boys”, I preferred less risky bets.  I liked the kind of guys who loved their moms, preferred family BBQ’s to house party’s and ones that liked me more than I liked them, as it proved to be a much safer arrangement. 

My fear of  dating extended into my late twenties.  The whole getting to know someone phase left too much to chance.  I preferred knowing exactly what type of guy I was getting involved with, so I stuck to dating friends and co-workers.  My dislike of strangers far outweighed my aversion to uncomfortable situations.  I had a tendency to stay in relationships much too long and would “subconsciously” cultivate a new interest.  As soon as the lead was warm, I would jump from one relationship to the next.  It was a sad cycle really, and I was disillusioned in believing that I was just lucky and blessed with impeccable timing.

But then, in my late twenties I got a new job, moved to Los Angeles, broke up with my boyfriend and quickly found that my pipeline of eligible bachelors was dry.  It was around that time that I read a book called “The Year of Yes” http://theyearofyes.com.  The book tells a story of a girl who decided to say yes to every man who asked her out over the course of one year.  The thought of this intrigued me, but I was hardly ready for such a leap.   I found most men who asked me out were from the pool of eligible homeless men that littered the streets of downtown Los Angeles, or men who knew exactly where they were the day JFK was shot .  My demographic didn’t match my ideal mate. 

It wasn’t until a few years later that I decided to put the fundamentals of the “Year of Yes” to the test.  After being in some very dysfunctional relationship predicaments, I realized that my “picker” was broken.  I went from dating sweet, kind, loving guys to dating manipulating jerks.  Given that I was undeniably on the wrong path of choosing men, I felt I needed to cast a wider net.  There was no doubt I needed to be more discriminating with who I chose to call my boyfriend.  So I embarked on a year of yes via on-line dating.  I vowed that I would gently screen potential suitors but would remain open to at least going on one date with the majority.  It wasn’t long before I discovered that a lot can be determined from a profile.

1. Calculating the Average: To get an accurate picture of how he looks in real living breathing actual life you must take his least attractive picture and his most attractive picture and average the two. This will be closer to an actual representation of his looks. 

2. Bad Crops:Steer clear of guys with cropping jobs that leave wisps of blonde hair on his shoulder.  It is a good bet to assume that these are the strands of his ex or worse, some random chick he hooked up with. If a guy can’t find a decent pic of him sans female, then either:

A. he hasn’t taken many pics without her in them or

B. He hasn’t been broken up with her long enough to have any recent pics. Either way, any decent guy would be able to scrounge up a more suitable picture.

3. Bathroom mirror shots:Needless to say that any guy who feels a bathroom mirror shot is appropriate for the online dating venue, is not serious relationship material.  What about these says, “you know who really needs to see this awesome picture of me….every eligible girl on Match.com!”
 I shudder at the logic.  Steer clear of any profiles with pictures that resemble him standing in the bathroom posing in the mirror with one arm raised positioning a camera at his strangely puckered face and over greased body. Seriously, if a guy can’t have a friend take his picture, let alone take one with all his clothes on…it’s a good idea to keep looking.

4. Body Part Shots: I have seen so many “eye shots” or “arm shots” or even the famous “six pack shot”…I’m a believer in the fact that if a guy is so into a part of his body, he needs to pay tribute by it’s very own picture, it’s a sign he is too much a fan of himself, to ever be a fan of you.