I don’t have children. That’s not an apology, or a plea for someone to fertilize me, its a mere statement if only to illustrate the depth of another love I have for children of a different sort, I have two dogs.
When you get to be over 30, there are two questions strangers lead with when trying to get to know you better, “are you married” and “do you have children.” While I am fine with my answers to both these questions, I find that others react to my lack of husband and children, akin to if I told them I was dying of cancer.
I have since developed an annoying nervous response to their prodding, which usually plays out like this:
Complete stranger who has accomplished the level of wife and mother: “Do you have kids?”
Me: “ No” (trying not to convey any tone that could be misconstrued as disappointment) “but I have two dogs.!”(in a tone that conveys enthusiasm far exceeding that which is appropriate.)
I’m not sure if they take offense because my comment cheapened the sanctity of their children or because I over glorify the relationship between dog and ”parent”.
When I was younger I wanted a dog so badly but my brother’s allergies and my mom’s unwillingness proved formidable obstacles. Every pet store we passed I would beg my mom to let me go in and “just look”. I knew every attempt was futile and I would leave every visit empty handed. But I soon discovered another route to dog ownership…strays.
My first stray dog encounter happened on my way home from school. At ten years old, I operated off one rule, the golden rule of “finders keepers”. The fact that the dog had a collar on was inconsequential. He was unleashed and undeniably in love with me. It was our destiny to be together forever. From now on it was me and my new dog, Winston. He looked 100% like a Winston, and if dogs picked names for themselves, I was sure this would be the one name out of all the other names in the world he would choose. It certainly wouldn’t be Max, as his tag mislabeled him.
We continued our journey home and if Winston strayed too far, I would call his name in a high pitched squeaky voice that made him trot back enthusiastically every time, further proving his name was perfect. When I got to my house I yelled for my grandmother and tried to contain the enthusiasm that was dripping out of every inch of my body. I needed to convince her this nuisance of a dog followed me home and I was now faced with the unfortunate responsibility of caring for him. Surely my unwillingness to welcome Winston with open arms would prove to her this was more about fate and destiny, than it was about my desire to have Winston for my own. After one quick glance, it was clear the love Winston and I shared was contained between us. Not only was she upset that I brought this scruffy dog into the house, but he clearly “belonged to someone else” and she told me to take him back to where I found him. With a heavy heart, I walked Winston back to the park where I found him. As we walked, I cried and he chased unsuspecting birds. Broken hearted that I wasn’t able to make good on the life I promised him, I kissed Winston goodbye and wished him well in his life as Max.
Undeterred, my tendancy to find stray dogs and take them home has extended well into adulthood. I’ve been late to meetings at work because a stray darted across the street. I’ve chased a stray dog down train tracks in an outfit far too fancy to be doing so. I carry treats in my trunk to will the less willing, and I do it because I figure they wouldn’t be put in my path, if I wasn’t supposed to notice them.
Dogs fill the empty spaces in life, they are magic that way.
We clean their poop, wipe the goop out of their eyes and let them give us face kisses with their floppy tongues. Dogs love us. They sit with us when we cry, lick our wounds and stand at the door waiting patiently for us to re-enter their world.
We love them because they sprinkle us with their fur, mark us with their drool and make their way up onto the beds we swore they were never allowed on. And all we have to do is be exactly like we are.
Someday I will be able to say I have children, my desire to be a mom is undeniable. But for now, I don’t have kids but, “I have two dogs!”
