Marshmellow Fluff

I have a show to pitch.

It is called the Ex-Files.  In concept I realize this is an awesome title but also kind of a sucky one, just stick with me the title can be changed, this is just the story-boarding process.

The Ex-Files is a reality based show based on 30-somethings who have yet to find love, whether that be through a long-term stable relationship or through marriage.  This is where it gets interesting.

Imagine the opening credits – a camera moves to a close up of Jane in the car on her way to her ex-boyfriend from high schools house.  He is now married with three kids living in the heart of suburbia, where Jane is living in a small cluttered apartment in West Hollywood, and fills her days working menial retail jobs and watching “The Biggest Loser” at night, in real time not DVR’d, because she is always home…always.  Jane has been through relationship after relationship and has been unable to find lasting love through any of them.  She has recently begun to think since she is the only common denominator in the situation, it must be her.  But she is unsure of what exactly she is doing wrong, and now finds herself on a pilgrimage to the truth.  Jane is getting older, she feels her ovaries shriveling with each passing day and she cries herself to sleep each night, only to wake up in the morning with a cat on her chest and an empty pint of ice cream stuck to her left thigh.  Okay, maybe Jane is an extreme case, but we are talking about the pilot here, and if we have any chance of getting this baby off the ground, we need Jane and frankly, Jane needs us.  So Jane is on a quest for the truth, which is done through piecing together relationships from her past. It’s shot all documentary like – sort of like Intervention minus the pock marks, arms scars and overall feeling of bugs crawling all over my skin when I watch it. Some of Jane’s ex’s meet her with trepidation because they have wronged her and think of her often, others can’t even remember many of the details of their relationship, even though Jane remembers every little thing about them.  This hurts Jane.

The Ex Files is a journey of finding your ex’s and then sitting with them discussing why your relationship failed.  Now, were this my own story it would be incredibly boring save for the small handful of guys who screwed me over.  In which case it would start with me being all fancy and strong. I would starve myself for weeks beforehand so I looked all amazing in my skimpy yet classy dress.  But it would probably end with me being all stupid and snotty in the back of an Escalade (because I am too upset to drive myself).  Which brings up a good point, maybe these people should be driven to each location.  This is a traumatic and emotional experience and the last thing we need is a car accident shot first hand in hi-def.  Okay, so I would be in the back of the car, snotting all over myself still wondering what I did wrong because the guys who were douchbags then, were still jerks just with more grey hair.  Or, maybe it would result in an epiphany, something so profound that I drive – wait I forgot, I am driven back home while singing, “Tonight’s Gonna be a Good Night” at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down and the wind blowing through my hair.

Fade to black screen with copy that reads something like, “A few weeks later, while shopping for dog food at the local pet store, Stacy met Jake, the heir to the Rice-a-Roni fortune.  The fell madly in love and are happily planning their future together in the South of France.” End scene.

See, brilliant!  Now give me my royalties!