Marshmellow Fluff

There are a few things my body isn’t built for things like; skinny jeans (my hips throw off the proportions), balloon skirts (because I am over 12 years old) and fasting.  I had every intention of fasting this week. I started out strong with a carrot-apple juice for breakfast, planned a lunch of cayenne pepper, hot water with a tinge of lemon and a dinner of juiced strawberries, blueberries and oranges.  I drank my carrot-apple juice for breakfast-side note for tomorrow, don’t put it in a clear cup so everyone questions its contents. To which you tell them and they respond by making a grossed out scrunchy face, which makes you question why the hell you didn’t just eat a bowl of Lucky Charms like a normal adult person.  Then, while I was drinking my lunchtime cocktail I thought, “You know what would be delicious with this cayenne pepper, lemon and hot water beverage? A 3 Muskateeers!”  So, on the way to the vending machine I realized I didn’t have the $.75 for such a purchase-what I did have-my keys and wallet.  So I drove to Del Taco for a bean burrito.  Now I sit here looking at an empty cup with cayenne pepper flakes stuck to its sides and a bean burrito wrapper with congealed cheese stuck to it.  I’m pretty sure this is the exact opposite of fasting.  And I am even more sure that normal people wouldn’t drink their disgusting fasting concoction after they have chosen to fall off the fasting wagon.

I have no discipline.  Mother Theresa can fast for months-and I am not talking about the lame Hollywood cheating kind of fasting but the real kind where she eats nothing.  No water, no bread, no juices and certainly no Del Taco. Maybe I could be more disciplined if I had a movie to shoot or an oppressed world to stand up for, or even a magazine cover to be on.  However, when my only motivation is to look better in jeans well, that is a problem that is easily solved by not wearing jeans.