Marshmellow Fluff

I read this article yesterday and I’m still in awe.  To save you from having to read 4 paragraphs of terrible,  the article is essentially about the “new trend” in weddings by having them in a retail location.  Retail location! As in Wal-Mart or Target or Home Depot.  I know!  What.The.What!?!

I once went to a wedding at Knott’s Berry Farm.  And yes, I was a bit shocked that someone came to Knott’s, a place where I spent many of my formidable years cruising for boys and making out on dark rides, and thought,”You know what would be awesome to have here…A WEDDING!”  Maybe it’s the smell of funnel cakes wafting in the air or the smell of fresh vomit by the roller coaster, but I just can’t make the correlation between everlasting love and an amusement park.  And don’t even get me started on Disneyland…a place that I love and hold dear and high up on a pedestal.  Disneyland is magic, it’s fun and whimsical and manicured and fantasy -like.  But not once, in all the hundreds of times I have been to Disneyland, not once as I watched a Disney movie and wished my life were more like a cartoon, did I ever think…yes, I am getting married at Disneyland!  You know why?  Because a movie-themed horse drawn crystal carriage, adults dressed in fuzzy animal costumes and untanned tourist legs are not my idea of a wedding!

But you know what is an even bigger leap?  Everlasting love and discount prices!  Who in their right mind would ever think of having a wedding in TJ Maxx?  I know who, Lisa Satayut and her fiancé, Drew Ellis, the first couple to get married in a T.J. Maxx (the first…really…how is that even possible that no one has ever thought of this brilliant idea before?) when they walk down the size 8 shoe aisle of the Mount Pleasant, Mich., store in front of friends, family and shoppers.

I don’t care how much of a “Maxxinista” you think you are, the reality is you a train-wreckanista and probably a little bit of a white trashinista.

The one constant in my life, no matter what, has always been T.J. Maxx,” Satayut, a self-proclaimed “Maxxinista,” says.

Seriously?  The one constant in your life has been TJ Maxx?  So therefore you see the next reasonable step to be marrying there?  Lisa Satayut, when kids use to say to you, “If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it!”, they didn’t intend for you to actually marry it.  It’s a joke, a common saying amongst school aged children….if I married everything kids use to tell me to marry because I loved it so much I would be married to My Little Pony, cupcakes, Corey Haim and the entire village of Smurfs.