The Final Countdown
February 16th, 2012 § 2 Comments
It’s a cruel trick society plays-the belief that pregnancy is 9 months. Pregnancy isn’t in fact 9 months long, it is 40 weeks long. Which, if you do the math correctly, works out to be 10 months. 10 long months.
Then, just when one wraps their head around 10 months of nausea, elastic waistbands and the inability to see ones toes, you find out from a doctor that pregnancy is often times longer than 40 weeks as most first time moms deliver at 41 weeks. Which leaves an emotional, sleep deprived, achy and swollen woman left with trying to muster the will to lug around 5 additional weeks of pregnancy.
I understand the longer my baby stays in my belly the healthier he presumably will be. I know that science says he knows when he is ready and once he is, he will come. But you know what science, I’m not convinced. I am not convinced that my baby knows the way out. Two weeks ago he seemingly “dropped”. My belly which was tight and round turned into a low man gut overnight. This morning however, my belly appears higher. The only reasonable conclusion, my baby is confused and thinks up is actually down or he believes the way out is through my nose. I, for one am horrible at directions. Even with GPS I manage to take the wrong turns and often where I expect ocean, instead I find mountains. I think it’s reasonable to think poor directionality is hereditary.
I stopped kidding myself. Since week 37 I have monitored every ache and pain, wondering, “Is this it?”. I have tried to picture my water breaking, convinced myself that the back pain is the prelude to earth shattering, cervix opening contractions. But my back pain is nothing more than back pain, my cramps are nothing more than cramps and my due date is beginning to look more and more like a sham.
I no longer expect this baby to come. Instead I’m convinced I will be the first woman in history to get pregnant in her thirties and continue to be pregnant with the same child in her seventies. Never have I wanted an inhospitable uterus more than now. I can only imagine that instead of inhospitable, my uterus is like a carnival. Inside me, my baby is listening to a bluegrass band while eating corn dogs and cotton candy. It is a beautiful summer day and he has all the time in the world to people watch, ride the ferris wheel and attempt as many times as he wants to win the biggest stuffed animal at the ring toss. He is going to find a girlfriend, attend the University of my Uterus and then he is going to get married and start a family of his own, ALL WHILE STILL INSIDE MY BELLY!!!
I have a doctor appointment today. I am prepared for her to tell me that I am still pregnant, there is nothing happening to show progression of labor and that I am still fat. I also expect she will ask if I can sign my body over to science as she has never seen a woman with such a low probability of ever delivering her baby.
#31 from the list….CHECK!
February 6th, 2012 § Leave a Comment
I have been remiss in checking off items on my “List”. I do have a lot going on, but what can be more important that making sure that I am making progress in life? I am happy to say that I recently learned how to make my mom’s wonderful, delicious, amazing and delightful cheesecakes. Growing up, watching my mom bake cheesecakes was a normal occurrence in the household. Holidays were led by my mom asking my brother and I what flavor of cheesecake we would like to have, which was then proceeded by my brother fighting over which flavor to have (I know, middle class white kid problems). My mom could turn out handfuls of cheesecakes with ease and assured me that they weren’t easy to make. They were seemingly a laborious 2 day process of equal parts care and finesse to avoid the pitfalls of dryness, cracking, sinking or flat out just failing.
Over Thanksgiving my mom ran through the recipe, walked me through each step and then sent me home with the recipe to try on my very own. I will say that I was quite impressed with how the first ones turned out. Seems as if Cheesecake making is a passable gene.
Before you go asking, “What is the recipe.” Let me tell you that part of the teaching process of cheesecake making included my mom telling me in no uncertain terms that the recipe is a secret. And while I can’t share the recipe with you, I will tell you that there is one other who knows the recipe as he watched the entire process….but I don’t think he is telling either.
Dogs+Babies=Love
February 6th, 2012 § Leave a Comment
I truly hope that once we have our new addition, my idea of having animals in the house never changes. I love animals and think they bring a love to a home that nothing else can bring. I know that Gus and Charlie will be good fuzzy brothers to Logan. Though I do have my doubts about Gus’ inability to see himself as the 52 pound mass he is, I know Charlie will approach the new baby with tender cautiousness.
When I see photos like this one from Hanna Mac, my idea of a dog and baby household is that much stronger. I would love a picture like this of Logan, Gus and Charlie though I think some sedation or photoshopping may be required to make it happen.
