Marshmellow Fluff

I am starting to hate the mantra, “one day at a time” and I’m not even an alcoholic. 

It’s not like I even have a say in the matter.  I couldn’t possibly take it two days at a time, weeks at a time or even a month at a time.  It’s a silly saying because we have no other choice then to take it one day at a time.

But my mind wanders.  I wish I could fast forward to a better moment.  Forgoe all this nonsense of sobbing for so long and stopping only when my head feels like it’s in a vice, because it’s jammed up with cry snot. 

Breakups in general put everyone in the same place.  It catapults us to this strange vortex where our conscious minds stop working and emotions and make believe take over.  In my current state, all I want to do is engage in anything that doesn’t make rational sense, such things like;

• getting my palm read
• painting my living room walls
• scrubbing the tile in the bathroom so hard that I rub the grout away
• stop sleeping, napping, day dreaming
• stop eating
• trying to break the world record for time elapsed while crying on a couch

By day two, I sank so deep into the depths of pathetic that I had enough.  The simple truth is that once a relationship ends, odds are more likely that it won’t work out.  It’s hard to accept and harder to hear but it’s the reality.   The sooner I accept this, the sooner I can get back to living my life and, the sooner my friends can get back to their normal activites that don’t include listening to my moaning.

I am still trying to get my head around moving on and letting go.  It’s a difficult process but I am braced for impact.  I am trying to get control back and I have started this process with the  Sunday newspaper.  It’s now Tuesday and I have no intention of picking it up and that power feels amazing!   See…baby steps, today I conquered the Sunday paper and tomorrow, who knows, maybe I will conquer this!