Craigslist Shoppers
January 6th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
One time I sold a kayak to this couple who was none the wiser that I had stuffed an ice pick in the waistband of my jeans in the off-chance that they tried anything funny. As they drove away in their Porsche Cayenne I remained unconvinced that they didn’t have a hostage bound and gagged in the trunk.
I have this theory: every person looking to make a purchase online via Craigslist, is really just looking for someone to murder. So what, maybe I am a little skeptical. I always have been and chances are I will go to my grave waiting for the other shoe to drop. But ask anyone and they will tell you that’s just part of my charm. Well, maybe they wouldn’t say that exactly but I do my best to encourage them to.
Paul and I are moving and we’re selling furniture that we have no interest in hauling in a truck and lumbering upstairs. So far we have sold a patio set…which took two lookers to finally sell. The first potential buyer was quiet and fidgety. I’m still sure he was there to rape and murder me but was foiled by Paul whom I made rearrange his work schedule so he could protect me from such a fate. The second buyer came with his wife and child…both I am sure were a diversion. I remain unconvinced that the child wasn’t actually abducted and highly skilled in hand to hand combat.
So you see, I’m a little skeptical of selling things on Craigslist. I’m not so skeptical that I won’t take the chance to sell my throw-aways for cash. But I have a strict policy on never being alone when a Craigslist buyer comes to your home. It’s kind of like the Lost Boys movie where Keefer Sutherland’s mom invites this stranger over for dinner and he ends up being a vampire. He shows his teeth before dessert and is all, “vampires are powerless until you invite them in to your home.” Craigslist people are powerless, they’re just creepy people sitting in a dark room on their computer, until you invite them in to take a look at your crap — then they try to kill you, per your invitation.
So the fact that Paul scheduled someone to look at the desk for sale today in the middle of the afternoon completely disregards safety protocol. It’s 3:30 and he was meeting the guy at 2:00, he is still offline…which means the Craigslist guy killed Paul. And clearly I’m still in the stage of denial since I’m sitting here typing a blog post instead of notifying the authorities.
