Love Actually
May 19th, 2009 § 2 Comments
Love problems are hardly ever public, or at least the truth of relationships aren’t. Only when you’re going through a break up, separation, argument or some other related turmoil, do people start dishing on their own issues.
When I was younger I was unaware that relationships required work. I assumed conflict meant the relationship was unsalvageable. If the relationship wasn’t happiness, laughter and love — it was over. I have come to find that no relationship is devoid of friction at some level. Relationships require constant work, cultivation and attention in order to flourish for longer then the 3 month honeymoon period. Who has that kind of time really? Between work, life in general, sleeping and eating, fitting anything in between is difficult at best. I’ve always considered myself someone who was better at being alone and was okay with knowing that my life was destined for solitude – as long as it was barring becoming a crazy cat lady.
But then love happens. That moment when you meet someone you want to work towards something meaningful with. That person who you can’t imagine your life without and who you imagine building a life with. In such a case, all bets of sanity are off and when those types of relationships are threatened, people become irrational.
Love makes us do some pretty stupid things. We drive around parking lots looking for their car hoping to “accidentally” run into them. We convince ourselves that every song on the radio is relevant to our current state of torment. We hold on to stupid little sayings with reckless abandon as if they are the words of some magic remedy. We torment our friends with our endless recounting of the situation. We read our horoscopes trying to find something to help decipher what tomorrow will bring. We check our phones to make sure it has reception, convinced that must be the reason why it isn’t ringing. We stop eating or we eat too much, we stop sleeping or can’t bring ourselves to get out of bed. We cyber stalk them scared of what we will discover but too scared not to investigate.
In a strange way when it comes to love, we are all equal.
If it’s pillow stitched, I don’t want to hear it!
May 12th, 2009 § Leave a Comment
I am starting to hate the mantra, “one day at a time” and I’m not even an alcoholic.
It’s not like I even have a say in the matter. I couldn’t possibly take it two days at a time, weeks at a time or even a month at a time. It’s a silly saying because we have no other choice then to take it one day at a time.
But my mind wanders. I wish I could fast forward to a better moment. Forgoe all this nonsense of sobbing for so long and stopping only when my head feels like it’s in a vice, because it’s jammed up with cry snot.
Breakups in general put everyone in the same place. It catapults us to this strange vortex where our conscious minds stop working and emotions and make believe take over. In my current state, all I want to do is engage in anything that doesn’t make rational sense, such things like;
- getting my palm read
- painting my living room walls
- scrubbing the tile in the bathroom so hard that I rub the grout away
- stop sleeping, napping, day dreaming
- stop eating
- trying to break the world record for time elapsed while crying on a couch
By day two, I sank so deep into the depths of pathetic that I had enough. The simple truth is that once a relationship ends, odds are more likely that it won’t work out. It’s hard to accept and harder to hear but it’s the reality. The sooner I accept this, the sooner I can get back to living my life and, the sooner my friends can get back to their normal activites that don’t include listening to my moaning.
I am still trying to get my head around moving on and letting go. It’s a difficult process but I am braced for impact. I am trying to get control back and I have started this process with the Sunday newspaper. It’s now Tuesday and I have no intention of picking it up and that power feels amazing! See…baby steps, today I conquered the Sunday paper and tomorrow, who knows, maybe I will conquer this!
My Favorite Online Profile
May 8th, 2009 § 2 Comments
Had I not met my boyfriend online already. And, were I in the market for a guy who would make for a terrible boyfriend, but amazing comic relief, I would have snatched this guy up in a heartbeat!
As a boyfriend this guy is a douchebag…as a person this guy is HILARIOUS and I am in love!
His Profile
my job: I couldn’t hold a job if my life depended on it.
favorite hot spots: I love traveling… I have backpacked all through Africa, a little Europe, a little Mexico, a little Brazil, Aleutian islands off of Alaska..
favorite things: Walking through mud in my bare feet, Jumping off rocks into the ocean, bad stormy weather, Speeding, dark chocolate- big aficionado (eat it when I wake up, before I brush my teeth).
last read: “HOW TO READ FOR DUMMIES”
About my life and what I’m looking for: I am trying to increase my odds of getting laid, I was told it’s a numbers game… If i happen to fall in love, get married and pop out some kids I guess thats alright. I’m ok with women but I really don’t understand what they are talking about most of the time. If we go out on a date I’m pretty much going to sit there with a blank look on my face, nod my head up and down and then try to kiss you. I have a problem with honesty but am trying to work it out… Right now I have bigger fish to fry because I just got off my medication it was causing impotency. I am habitually late so you have to be ok with that. The good news is I bought a new scooter and have an extra helmet so we can go anywhere for pretty cheap. Plus I have tons of food at my place so I can just pack some sack lunches and then we can go wherever we want to if you want to go somewhere, I think it would be fun if we did. I have a hard time with flattery, if I like you I will grab your butt. I recently tried to start smoking because I love the way it looks but unfortunately my lungs are to weak, but I still can mainline just about anything. I am very persistent and if we decide not to go out I will still try to contact you for another 6 months or until I find someone else to chase. Well I guess that is about it for the surface stuff… I can share all my really personal info with you in the first couple of emails. I love you all and thank you for your consideration
About me
Hair: Light brown
Eyes: Brown
Best Feature: Hands
Body art: None
Sports and exercise: Dancing
Exercise habits: Exercise 3-4 times per week
Daily diet: Keep it healthy
Interests: Fishing/Hunting
Education: High school
Occupation: Self Employed
Income: $150,001+
Languages: Arabic, Chinese, Dutch, English, French, German, Hebrew, Hindi, Italian, Japanese, Norwegian, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, Swedish, Tagalog, Urdu,
Politics: Ultra Conservative
Sign: Aquarius
My Place: Live alone
Pets I have: Birds, Cats, Dogs, Exotic pets, Fish, Gerbils,
Horses, Other, Reptiles
