Dear Starbucks
September 13th, 2009 § 5 Comments
Dearest Starbucks:
I know it would be easier to make a clean break and stop all communication, but I couldn’t walk away from you without an explanation. You deserve at least that much.
Let me start by saying it isn’t you its me. We’ve had a wonderful relationship. I can’t remember when we first met, but I knew from the very first moment we could be good together. It was amazing how much I looked forward to seeing you every morning. When I would drive to work-nothing else mattered until I visited you. You helped me through a lot of times; when I was too tired to face the world-you gave me the energy. When I was beat down and needed something to make it through the day-you provided me the encouragement. When I felt fat – you offered me a low-fat frappucino which was just as delicious as the normal one. Starbucks you completed me for many years and for that I could never forget you.
But, sadly Starbucks I have to let you go. I’m sorry to do it this way but its too hard to do it face to face. I don’t think I would have the courage. If I were to see you I would probably be overwhelmed by your smell–lured in by your warm embrace of low-fat blueberry muffins. Starbucks-I am not that strong-so please understand it’s easier this way…for both of us.
Starbucks you drain me financially. And before you try to say you will offer me a treat receipt which is valid after 2pm on any drink…that’s just not enough Starbucks. While I love you, you are just too expensive. When we were seeing each other, I confess I cheated on you with McDonald’s. It was only on a few occasions and it meant very little to me. I didn’t want to—it was just that, for few dollars cheaper I got a delicious iced coffee that came in a cup roughly the size of my left calf.
Starbucks, McDonalds’ one serving was the size of all your servings combined for much less money. Although I am not doing this to see other people, I must be honest and tell you there is a chance McDonald’s and I may start seeing more of one another. I just don’t want you to be caught off guard, should you see us together.
Starbucks, I will miss you dearly. I will miss stopping to see you every morning before work. I will miss my Starbucks name, “Daisy” that your workers seem to understand my name to be over the loud frothing machines and coffee grinders. I will miss the flurry of people who seem to love you as much as I do.
I have done the math Starbucks, so please don’t put up a fight. At $4.20 every day, four to five times a week…in the next 14 months I will have saved over $1,000.
Starbucks, I hope you can understand the need for me to stop seeing you is because $1,000 could go a long way towards my wedding. It may buy me a dress, pay for flowers…who knows, but I cannot see why we should continue seeing each other at such a high price.
Maybe we will run into each other again someday, I hope when we do we can be cordial to one another. Who knows, maybe after some time has passed and we have both moved on we can go out sometime…for coffee or something.
Love always,
Stacy
The Year of Yes
June 1st, 2009 § 2 Comments
I am a serial monogamist.
My aversion to dating started in high school when I began a relationship that lasted 5 years. While my friends were attracted to the “bad boys”, I preferred less risky bets. I liked the kind of guys who loved their moms, preferred family BBQ’s to house party’s and ones that liked me more than I liked them, as it proved to be a much safer arrangement.
My fear of dating extended into my late twenties. The whole getting to know someone phase left too much to chance. I preferred knowing exactly what type of guy I was getting involved with, so I stuck to dating friends and co-workers. My dislike of strangers far outweighed my aversion to uncomfortable situations. I had a tendency to stay in relationships much too long and would “subconsciously” cultivate a new interest. As soon as the lead was warm, I would jump from one relationship to the next. It was a sad cycle really, and I was disillusioned in believing that I was just lucky and blessed with impeccable timing.
But then, in my late twenties I got a new job, moved to Los Angeles, broke up with my boyfriend and quickly found that my pipeline of eligible bachelors was dry. It was around that time that I read a book called “The Year of Yes” http://theyearofyes.com. The book tells a story of a girl who decided to say yes to every man who asked her out over the course of one year. The thought of this intrigued me, but I was hardly ready for such a leap. I found most men who asked me out were from the pool of eligible homeless men that littered the streets of downtown Los Angeles, or men who knew exactly where they were the day JFK was shot . My demographic didn’t match my ideal mate.
It wasn’t until a few years later that I decided to put the fundamentals of the “Year of Yes” to the test. After being in some very dysfunctional relationship predicaments, I realized that my “picker” was broken. I went from dating sweet, kind, loving guys to dating manipulating jerks. Given that I was undeniably on the wrong path of choosing men, I felt I needed to cast a wider net. There was no doubt I needed to be more discriminating with who I chose to call my boyfriend. So I embarked on a year of yes via on-line dating. I vowed that I would gently screen potential suitors but would remain open to at least going on one date with the majority. It wasn’t long before I discovered that a lot can be determined from a profile.
1. Calculating the Average: To get an accurate picture of how he looks in real living breathing actual life you must take his least attractive picture and his most attractive picture and average the two. This will be closer to an actual representation of his looks.
2. Bad Crops:Steer clear of guys with cropping jobs that leave wisps of blonde hair on his shoulder. It is a good bet to assume that these are the strands of his ex or worse, some random chick he hooked up with. If a guy can’t find a decent pic of him sans female, then either:
A. he hasn’t taken many pics without her in them or
B. He hasn’t been broken up with her long enough to have any recent pics. Either way, any decent guy would be able to scrounge up a more suitable picture.
3. Bathroom mirror shots:Needless to say that any guy who feels a bathroom mirror shot is appropriate for the online dating venue, is not serious relationship material. What about these says, “you know who really needs to see this awesome picture of me….every eligible girl on Match.com!”
I shudder at the logic. Steer clear of any profiles with pictures that resemble him standing in the bathroom posing in the mirror with one arm raised positioning a camera at his strangely puckered face and over greased body. Seriously, if a guy can’t have a friend take his picture, let alone take one with all his clothes on…it’s a good idea to keep looking.
4. Body Part Shots: I have seen so many “eye shots” or “arm shots” or even the famous “six pack shot”…I’m a believer in the fact that if a guy is so into a part of his body, he needs to pay tribute by it’s very own picture, it’s a sign he is too much a fan of himself, to ever be a fan of you.
Capri Sun and Orange Slices
May 21st, 2009 § Leave a Comment
When I was seven and on the Shamrock’s soccer team, I remember my coach telling me I needed to be aggressive and it was my duty to protect our goalie. 23 years later, I have been told I am too aggressive, too strong willed, uncontrollable and too hard on things. I blame all these traits on the direction I received from him.
Admittedly I am not graceful. I break cell phones merely by touching them, no electronic device comes out of my posession unscathed, I ruin any item of clothing I have that is labeled “delicate”, I have too many speeding tickets to count and I often have bruises from unknown origin.
I have the desire to be really good at one thing. I don’t know if it stems from watching too much American Idol or Dancing with the Stars but I often think if I could just focus on honing my skills in one particular area I could potentially be amazing at that one thing.
Instead, I am mildly good at many things. I am a wealth of random information, I am somewhat artistic but will never expect to have an art exhibit, I have come to accept that my singing is best appreciated when on mute. I can hold my own rock climbing, dirtbike riding and scuba diving but cannot do any of these things well enough to be impressive. I am good at many things but my search to be great at one thing continues.
This brings me to my point.
I began playing soccer at a very young age. Like all other good Orange County children, I joined AYSO where at the end of every season, everyone received a trophy. No matter if you actually played well, or chose to pass time picking flowers and braiding your teammates hair as the soccer ball rolled past you…in AYSO everyone wins. I played soccer for many years and then, when it came time to decide if I wanted to really get amazing at playing or to quit, well I chose to move on to find other things to become mildly good at.
Now, at 31 years old I decided I really wanted to play soccer again. I joined a co-ed league with high hopes to rediscover my love for the game and uncover my hidden talents of soccer. I have been playing now for 6 months, and sadly my talent remains hidden. Each game I am huffing and puffing down the field, running full speed at the opponents only to find that by the time I reach them, they no longer have the ball. Playing soccer as an adult is much different than it was when I was young. A lot of the men have beer bellys, some of the women have thighs that jiggle when they run, the stamina in the players is much less than I remember, yet still I cannot seem to make a goal to save my life. My only hope is to convince one of my teammates to let me braid their hair on the field…now that was the part of soccer I was great at!
